So it’s coming up to the last month of university, and if I’m honest, emotions are running high. Three years have gone by and so much has changed. The scariest part is having to go into the real world, if I’m honest (again), I’ve got NO CLUE about the next year or so. I had so many plans, but they’ve all ended miserably.
It’s the mates who I’m going to miss the most. My housemates! Probably three of the best friends I’m ever going to have! We’ve learned to live with each other and it’s worked out beautifully. It could have gone horribly wrong two years ago when I knew nothing about two people who I’d be living with. The same goes for the Christian friends. The Church I got stuck into, Emmanuel Evangelical Baptist Church in Gabalfa, has been a life-saver during the university years. I’ve made friends that I’m going to miss so much. They’ve been there for me in the good and bad times and have helped me persevere through life.
I tried my best to stick around in Cardiff, but it wasn’t gonna work out. Ah, it’s for the best I suppose. I’m sure I’ll read this post again in a few years time and say that “it was meant to be” (althought I HATE that phrase). Or maybe it won’t and I’ll be stuck in a dead-end job with no friends… I’ll pass that bridge when I get to it.
It is true, God is good. I’ve got a bright future, but for the minute, I’m gonna keep my head down and keep going.
It’s 3am and one of those nights when there’s no point
lying waiting for those sheep to carry you piggy-back to the Land
of Nod (I can never say that without thinking of those two children
succumbing to the Atlantic in the doomed Titanic).
I promised an update with each chapter of Disciplines of a Godly Man. I’ve been reading it but just not pent the energy to sit down and write about the individual chapters. But I will say that Hughes has helped me out immensely over the past few weeks. His book along with Stuart
Olyott’s series ‘The Aspects of Spirituality’ has made my 2011
already. I skipped my daily readings today (lack of organisation)
but I’ve learnt that taking time out to read God’s word and to
spend time with him in pray is so important. Not just through books
and sermons but through my own realisation. It just makes more
sense the more I read it.
I’ve found myself thinking about things a
lot lately. I want to square up to why I believe the gospel. I
believe it to be true, but why? Is it simply a rut that I’m in, do
I do what I do everyday not out of love for my Redeemer but out of
routine, out of life, ‘I do it cos I’ve always done it!’ They’re
questions I need to answer because I insult everyone around me if I
don’t have good enough answers for their questions. Hmm.
This is the last week that I lose a squash game! Time to up the level and wipe the smile off Nick’s mug. First, got a week to do 10 press-ups. Second, grab a cinnamon latte and sit down with a good squash magazine (which I’m yet to find). Thirdly, get back onto contact lenses. Finally, destroy my opponent next Tuesday.
Right, first press-up….
A friend has been lying on a bed that she will probably not leave while alive. She was told that she would die within three months, four months on she lies in virtually the same bed with family and friends nearby, watching as the world continues outside.
Death is such a cruel thing. You don’t question it until it is on your doorstep, never think about it other than a statistic until it in on the threshold, grappling for your throat.
Not morbidly, but I’ve been thinking about my own death. Will I see it coming? Will it be quick? Will I be resigned to a bed for weeks, months before the final close of the curtains?
Then, the really humbling thoughts come. How long will it be before I’m forgotten? I realised that just over a year later, I’ve totally forgotten Michael Jackson’s death. He’s just a man with a legacy that really won’t last longer than this century if he’s lucky. Then what about little old me? How long will it take before life continues for even my closest friends and memories will fade and death will have the last laugh?
I don’t understand it. We desperately try to forget the inevitable. I suppose it’s the best thing really. We only have one life and why not enjoy it eh? As a Christian, yes, I have a future hope which seems at the moment just to be a wisp of smoke, or a minute whisper of a far away wind.
Solomon got it in a nut shell, ‘All is vanity!’ (Ecc. 1:2). I’ll admit it, I still don’t get the last chapter of his book,
The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil. (12:13-14)
After Sol looks all over the world for meaning, his final phrase is “Fear God and keep his commandments”. Solomon! What a cop-out! But, I’ve got to realise that God doesn’t promise an answer to the vanities of this life. But he offers a solution to the real problem that underlines them all.
There is a hope that I just don’t get yet:
My sin, O the bliss of this glorious hope,
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! O my soul!
Life, I just don’t get you. Lord, my God, O to fear You more.